WHAT UNFORGIVENESS IS DOING TO ME

"Unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting another person to die"

As a young girl I have lot's of dreams,goals and I had lot's of happiness to go round. I didn't know the extent of such happiness I had, until I saw another girl exactly my own age when I used to be filled with so much happiness and joy, it's beautiful I tell you. After so many issue of life, love hunting and finding, I thought it was in a good place. I guess I was so happy I foolishly made some decisions I thought I was doing for love, I thought I was happy but dear Lord it looked like it. I thought I was safe but dear Lord,it looked like it.

Now, I have become a venom filled with REGRETS, HATE, ANGER, SELF PITY, BADLUCK, BAD MOUTH, INSULTS,SHAME etc. That is all I see in me with no single drop of Love. The kind of pain I used to feel was more than my body could bare,most times after soiling in my tears in my bed I feel like the anger wants to tear my body apart, throw me far to the ceiling and hit my body back on the ground.
Let me tell you! It's like I have the worse kinds of imaginations but it always seemed real,like I could always reach out to touch the ceiling. It went on and on until I realized I was hurting myself.

The recent #10yearschallenge picture challenge opened my eyes to how innocent,pure and happy I used to be. I didn't know how hate felt like, I was never jealous, I found my space of happiness but it ended in a man. I realized how happy I used to look, how my happiness was contagious, how my happiness would take my name everywhere in school, on the streets, o yes I was a bit popular. And then, I decided to let go. It's hard to think about the lies and time wasted but I have come to know that with all, I have grown not to love wrongly again but to love with insight helped by God. Sometimes, I weep so much and one day I heard God speak to me saying "I love you". As a typical yoruba girl would say, "I swear I heard Him" and I knew it was Him.

So I always ask Him for help, to help me forgive and forget, not for them but for me. Not for their liberation but for my happiness. Not for their freedom but for mine. If you can recognize the difference between you before the supposed incident and you now, then you've started your healing process.
I had to forgive for Me! Me!! Me!!!
Please forgive for You! Don't regret you didn't, those people are somewhere probably not even thinking about you and enjoying there lives. Mine is currently driving a car by the woman, driving her up and down and going places. Please forgive today.

Moyosoluwa

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